A Long Way from You (Where I Belong)

  A Long Way from You

  GWENDOLYN HEASLEY

  Dedication

  TO SARAH DOTTS BARLEY, MY EDITOR.

  KITSY AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE THIS DEDICATION

  AS A SMALL THANKS FOR WORKING SO HARD

  (AND BRILLIANTLY) ON OUR STORY.

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter 1 - I’m a Waitress, Too

  Chapter 2 - Ladies Who Lunch

  Chapter 3 - Kitsy, Phone Home

  Chapter 4 - When I Was Seventeen, I Went to a Party at The Pierre Hotel

  Chapter 5 - Dorothy, You Aren’t on the Island Anymore

  Chapter 6 - How High Have You Been?

  Chapter 7 - Just a Small-Town Girl

  Chapter 8 - A Good Liar Needs a Good Memory

  Chapter 9 - The Thing About Good Girls

  Chapter 10 - How to Make It in New York

  Chapter 11 - In Your Own Backyard

  Chapter 12 - Home Sweet Home

  Chapter 13 - Taking Care of Baggage

  Chapter 14 - Can You Never Go Home Again?

  Chapter 15 - The Best Place to Start Over

  Chapter 16 - Que Será Será

  Acknowledgments

  Excerpt from Where I Belong

  Chapter 1 - Family Meeting

  About the Author

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Prologue

  I remember where I was when I learned about Santa Claus: in my parents’ closet.

  I remember where I was when I learned about sex: the Broken Spoke Elementary School playground.

  I remember where I was when I learned that my dad had left: in the backseat of our maroon Buick.

  But most vividly of all, I remember where I was when I decided that I wanted to live in New York City.

  It was the first Christmas without my dad. Kiki, my three-year-old brother, and I had gathered around the TV to watch the updated version of Miracle on 34th Street.

  When the camera pans around to New York City at Christmastime, with all of its festive lights and cheer, Kiki, in his Grinch pajamas, turned to me and said in a serious voice, “That place is so beautiful it must be make-believe.”

  “No, it’s real,” I said. “It’s a place for dreams. One day, I’ll figure out how we can move there and our wishes will come true.”

  “Really?” Kiki asked. His eyes were as big as ornaments.

  “If miracles happen anywhere, it’s there,” I whispered.

  Chapter 1

  I’m a Waitress, Too

  “FLIGHT FIVE-OH-FIVE TO NEW YORK CITY, LaGuardia Airport, is now boarding business class and Advantage Executive Platinum cardholders. All other ticketed passengers please remain seated until your zone numbers are called,” blares over the loudspeaker.

  I look down at my ticket. It doesn’t say Advantage Executive Platinum anywhere, but it does say “Business.” What kind of Business (with a capital B) does American Airlines think I, Kitsy Kidd, have? I’m only seventeen. Hopefully, this isn’t the mistake-that-ruins-my-trip. I’ve known about my summer in New York City for two months now, and I keep waiting for someone to say there’s been a mix-up and that this is too good to be true.

  I’ve been sitting at gate 9 in the same uncomfortable plastic seat for over an hour. I wanted to buy a trashy magazine, get a strawberry milkshake at Burger King, and most importantly, go to the bathroom, but I was too afraid that I’d miss my flight.

  “Kitsy, pay attention at the airport and don’t go wandering around,” Amber, aka my mother, instructed. “They ain’t going to hold back three thousand pounds of steel just because you aren’t on it.” In a rare bout of parenting, Amber offered me a lot of advice before I left, but not much of it seems to be true. “Dress up, Kitsy,” she had said. “You are supposed to wear your best clothes to fly.” I wanted to argue with Amber that even celebrities fly in sweats according to Us Weekly, but I just let her go on. It’s easier that way. So here I am wearing my Easter outfit in July, surrounded by people traveling across the country dressed like they’re shopping at Walmart.

  With all the emotion of a robot, the airline employee begins taking and scanning the Business tickets from a line of men dressed in two-piece suits. Maybe there was some merit in Amber’s advice about dressing up. People in the Spoke only wear suits if they are going to a funeral. Just follow them. Just do exactly what they do. It’s like a cheerleading routine. Synchronize yourself to everyone else. I just wish there was a beat. I hand my ticket to the airline lady; she scans it and passes it back.

  “Thanks, Ms. Kidd,” she says without a smile. “Have a nice flight.”

  Ms. Kidd? That’s Amber, not me. I give her a big grin, which seems to startle her, and I go down the hallway. At the end of it, to get onto the plane, I’m forced to step over a big gap. Hands, my boyfriend, forgot to mention this. I asked him to tell me everything he knows about aviation because, after all, he’s flown six times! I can’t believe he left out this part, which seems crucial, not to mention life-threatening. Yet I shouldn’t be surprised: You can only be tackled so many times before you have some residual effects. As the quarterback of our football team, Hands has spent the majority of his life in a heap of turf and defensive linemen.

  A flight attendant looks at my ticket, smiles, points, and says “Four C.” That’s when I realize: Business class is first class! Unlike buses, where the back is cool and coveted, the front of airplanes is distinctly superior. I know this from the movies. The seats are bigger, not to mention leather, the people richer, and the bathroom closer. There’s even a curtain divider. I can’t believe that I’m flying first class like a movie star. I sit down in 4C next to the only other woman. She’s dressed in all black, including a silk eye mask, and appears to be either unconscious or sleeping.

  The flight attendant swoops over to me and asks, “Would you like a drink?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’d love a Coke please,” I say.

  “Oh, honey, today we only have Pepsi products. Is that all right?” she asks, and then proceeds to pour me a Pepsi and set it down without waiting for my answer. In my whole life, I have never drunk a non-Coke product. Everyone I know calls all carbonated beverages “Coke”: It’s a Texan thing. My friend Corrinne tells me that in New York a carbonated drink is a “soda,” which does not sound refreshing or delicious the way “Coke” does.

  I sip my Pepsi, which tastes acidic compared with Coke’s carbonation perfection. Hands told me that there would be a demonstration about safety procedures, so I decide that I don’t need to memorize the safety card just yet. Instead, I text him.

  On the plane, I made it. Thanks again for the ride. Call you in New York, New York. XXX.

  He responds right away.

  I told you it’d be easy. Call when you land, and don’t forget about the Spoke or me. OOO.

  Before long, the flight attendants give a performance on how to properly fasten a seat belt. The scary thing is no one even looks up from their cocktails or BlackBerrys even when the pilot instructs us (for the second time) to turn off all electronic devices. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be the only one on this flight prepared if there’s an emergency. Life with Amber is always an emergency situation, so I reckon that I’m doubly prepared.

  I listen as the flight attendant explains how in an emergency to put on our own oxygen masks before assisting others. I think she’s made a mistake because I’ve never lived in a world where we worry about ourselves first, then about others. Maybe that place is New York. And maybe that’s what this trip is about for me. Some people say that New Yorkers are heartless.
I don’t think that’s true at all; just like it was with my friend Corrinne Corcoran, it might take a while to locate their hearts under their chic designer clothes. I’m the opposite: I pin my heart on the outside.

  When the plane takes off, I hold my breath.

  “Good-bye, Old,” I whisper. “Hello, New . . .” I pause. “. . . York.” I giggle at my own lame joke.

  Real flying feels a lot like flying in your dreams. My body seems light and disconnected, but it also feels like I could crash to the ground in an instant like the sensation you get when you wake from a dream with a jolt.

  Since Corrinne’s parents are paying for my flights and my summer art classes and letting me stay with them in their apartment, I want to do well and prove to them that I can make art with more than just Wet n’ Wild makeup. So I pull out my sketchbook and a charcoal pencil and start drawing my favorite painting, Vincent van Gogh’s The Starry Night. I have an old, semi-torn poster of it hanging above my bed. It’s the only piece of art displayed in my entire house, and I know nearly every inch of it by memory. I focus carefully on my sketch because I shouldn’t waste time watching movies or eating airline food that Hands told me tastes like rubber anyway. (Although my menu, with an option of steak or salmon and some dessert called tiramisu, doesn’t sound like rubber at all. It sounds exotic and fancy, two adjectives that I am not very well acquainted with.)

  The man across the aisle from me orders a Jameson and ginger. Good thing Amber isn’t here: Amber plus free drinks would be a dangerous combination. This reminds me that I need to text my eight-year-old brother, Kiki, when I land. I want to make sure that he’s doing okay since I left and that he remembers to start his assigned summer reading, four books from the Boxcar Children series.

  “What would you like for dinner?” the flight attendant asks, bringing me back from thinking about the Spoke. I politely request the salmon. Eventually, I’ll need to sleep. After all, this flight is billed as a red-eye. But my mind’s racing. Four weeks in New York City taking art classes at Parsons with other students who are hopefully as passionate about art as I am. Four weeks away from Texas heat, housework, and Amber . . . but also Hands, Kiki, and free ice cream from Sonic. The longest I have ever been away from home was three days camping with my fifth-grade class. Somehow, I think this trip will be a little different.

  When Hands dropped me off at the airport, he told me, “I hope you like it there, Kitsy, but not too much. We’re Americans by birth—”

  I finished for him: “And Texans by the grace of God.”

  That also happens to be the slogan of the bumper sticker on Hands’s truck, Yellow Submarine. (Corrinne also mentioned that no one names their cars in New York and that most people don’t even own cars. That’s almost as weird as the calling-Coke-soda thing.)

  I didn’t say what I really thought, though: If God graced Broken Spoke, it must’ve been long before I was born. Unemployment, unforgiving fundamentalists, and struggling farms don’t look like grace to me. . . . Of course, I know that’s wrong to think. The Spoke’s just going through a rough patch. And we did win the state football tournament last fall, the answer to fifty-two years of unanswered prayers to win another title. I even got to be on TV with the Mockingbirdettes, my cheerleading team, and I was interviewed since I’m team captain. I need to work on being more grateful in my thoughts and not just my words.

  Reminder to Kitsy: You can’t be all pep and go, school spirit, rah-rah, with your pom-poms and everyone else, and then be all Debbie Downer in your own head.

  I start to sketch the middle-aged woman sitting next to me. With one hand, I cover my paper just in case she wakes up and thinks that I’m a stalker or something. People ridin’ high and walkin’ in the tall cotton with clothes and looks like hers probably need to worry about things like that.

  When my salmon arrives on a tray with a fancy doily, I’m glad that I watch a lot of Food Network on TV so I know that salmon is supposed to be this pink color. Food like this exotic fish isn’t on my grocery list, which I compile only after figuring out what’s on sale that week.

  The man across from me slurs to the flight attendant that he wants another drink. When she comes by again with my dessert, which looks like a dirty sponge with whipped cream on top, I smile at her. I know all about annoying customers from my job.

  “I’m a waitress, too,” I say and smile. “It’s harder than people think, right?”

  The flight attendant flares her nostrils (not a pretty view) and asks, “Do you want another Pepsi?” Something about the way she pronounces Pepsi makes me know that I overstepped some airplane etiquette.

  “Sorry. I’m not exactly a waitress. I’m a carhop. I roller-skate. Actually, I Rollerblade. I never could get a hold on roller skates. Kept tripping over the toe stop. Have you been to a Sonic Drive-In? That’s where I work.”

  The flight attendant, whose name tag reads MEREDITH, walks away without a word. I wanted to tell her that I like her name and her perfume. That’s what I do when I’m nervous: talk and compliment. In the Spoke, that routine helps make up for people’s preconceived ideas about me.

  Just then, the lady by the window pulls up her eye mask and smiles a fourteen-tooth grin, one like Julia Roberts’s. That kind of smile is extremely rare. I only have an eight-tooth smile, and it’s crooked because I never got braces. “Straight teeth don’t make a difference,” Amber said. “Look where my perfect teeth got me. Nowhere.” Amber isn’t exactly a fountain of optimism.

  “So, I imagine you’re coming from Texas and going to New York,” she says.

  “My accent gave me away?”

  “Yes . . . ,” the lady says very slowly. “Your accent. Let me tell you something. Don’t worry about the stewardess. Stewardesses come in two types. The type that wanted to be models and settled for this, which makes them bitter”—she gulps a clear drink and continues—“and then the husky type who never thought they’d become stewardesses because of the weight limits. After they eliminated the weigh-ins, that type got the chance to see that being a stewardess isn’t actually glamorous—not to mention, the aisles are narrow. That type is sour, too. Of course, there are exceptions.”

  I nod slowly and scan for Meredith. I don’t want her to overhear this and get the pilot to reroute us back to Texas. I also want to tell the Lady in Black that although this is my first flight, I’m pretty sure they are called flight attendants, not stewardesses. This is 2012, after all.

  “Meredith’s probably real sweet,” I say. “I just got too personal. My mother says I’ve never met a stranger. She thinks I get nosy quickly and talk too much, which might be especially true when I’m nervous. Am I talking too much? I’m sorry if I am.”

  “Who’s Meredith? And why is a pretty thing like you nervous? We’re landing in the city created for Bright Young Things like you.”

  “Meredith is our flight attendant,” I answer. “And I’m nervous because I’ve never flown before. Actually, I’m nervous slash totally thrilled.”

  Right there and then, I want to launch into what Corrinne calls a Kitsy Monologue. I want to tell this woman, a complete stranger, how I’m leaving Broken Spoke for the first time and attending Parsons for a four-week art program for promising young art students. That’s exactly how the acceptance email put it: “promising young art students.”

  I want to tell her about Corrinne, a native Manhattan girl, who had to move to Broken Spoke and how it changed my life more than hers. She moved in with her grandparents because her dad lost his big Wall Street job. (Her mother’s originally from the Spoke although you’d never guess it looking at her.) Corrinne stayed in the Spoke for six months until her dad got another job and could move the family back to New York. And I want this lady to know how the Corcorans were so grateful for my friendship with Corrinne—who was initially not too happy to be living in the Spoke—that they bought me a ticket, my first plane ticket, to New York, so I could attend art school.

  Up until now, my only formal art education h
as been taking one class a year at my high school. It’s taught by Madame Williams. She’s very supportive but has no art background. She only started teaching art three years ago when the school slashed the French program. I want to explain to this lady how this opportunity is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me, and how I’m certain that there’s going to be a jolt and I’ll wake up because it just must be a dream.

  I also want to tell her about Kiki and Amber. In Broken Spoke, everyone thinks they know my story, and here is someone who doesn’t know it. I want to narrate it for the first time and go further than the obvious parts like the fact that my dad left and that Amber drinks and smokes too much.

  This woman’s eyes grew Super Sonic Cheeseburger–size when I told her that this was my first flight. Does she not understand the cost of a plane ticket when you make $5.50 an hour at Sonic? Actually, I don’t even know the cost of the ticket, especially one like this. I told the Corcorans that I’d keep track of how much I’m costing them and pay them back just as soon as I can, but they wouldn’t hear of it. Mrs. Corcoran said, “After the recession, we figured out what’s worth spending money on. And you, Kitsy, are a solid investment.” When she said that, I held the phone away from my ear and tried not to cry. No one, not even Hands, has ever said anything like that about me.

  “And all that stuff I said about the stewardesses, I only know that because I was one—a stewardess—back when there was still a bit of glamour left at forty thousand feet,” the woman tells me with a laugh, and puts her hand on my mine. “You’re going to have a fabulous time in New York.”

  “What do you do now?” I ask. I wonder if she got discovered, became a model, and is now an ambassador for a third-world nation like Angelina Jolie.

  “I got saved,” she says and waves her left hand, which is weighed down by a ring with a sapphire center stone sandwiched by two gumball-size diamonds. It’s even bigger than Mrs. Corcoran’s, which was the biggest one I’d ever seen until now. “I got married, honey.”